Smackdown is TAPED from Jeddah, one day prior to King and Queen of the Ring, also from Jeddah!
Personally, I think it’s a bit biased that the tournament finalists from Raw get such a large break to recover compared to their opponents from Smackdown. But we’ll find out if Randy Orton or Tama Tonga will face Gunther (a real mystery!), and whomst betweenst Bianca Belair and Nia Jax will face Becky Lynch Friend.
PLUS! Cody Rhodes and Logan Paul will probably talk at each other some more, something about “A-Town Down Under,” and more.
Smackdown is a paid review this week, as will be tomorrow’s Collision, and then next week Raw and Dynamite will be behind the ol’ paywall and the other two will be free for all. I’ll ALSO have the world’s quickest and dare I say VITAL reviews of WWE King and Queen of the Ring and AEW Double or Nothing on Saturday and Sunday, both for paid subscriptions! Please consider subscribing if you haven’t yet, and if you have, thank you!
Triple H announced at a Thursday “press conference” that the King and Queen of the Ring winners will receive title shots at SummerSlam.
Queen of the Ring: Nia Jax vs Bianca Belair
My guess is that Nia wins and she, Becky Lynch’s greatest nemesis for daring to punch Becky when Becky was trying to do a cowardly sneak attack, will face Becky Lynch Friend. Nia starts fast, Belair comes back and hits a slingshot plancha going into break, but Jax has the advantage upon return.
Bianca’s bad knee is costing her badly, but she fights through it to show off some crazy strength, as she’ll do from time to time. She can’t really balance with it, though, she needs Nia to put herself in a bad position. Bianca attempts the KOD, which is an iffy call even with a third good knee, and it doesn’t go, but yes it does not long after because Nia puts herself into position to be simply dragged out of the corner and dropped. But Bianca can’t actually get Nia fully up and over out of the torture rack, and the wise veteran Nia Jax sees clearly she should finish things up here, dropping a senton and then the Annihilator, which I will not be spelling in a cute way. ANB, baby: Another Nia Banger. ***½
Post-match, Nia addresses front row Becky Lynch Friend from the ring. In short, she plans to beat her tomorrow.
Backstage, A-Town Down Under make gestures toward one another and give the impression of having a conversation.
Backstage after break, Bianca gets her knee iced. Tiffany Stratton calls her a loser and then leaves. Byron asks Bianca how she feels, his one question. Candice LeRae and Indi Hartwell arrive to talk and then Jade Cargill intimidates them and, and when they leave, remarks to Bianca, “Seems Like, To Me, They Want Their Wigs Split .” That’s that mega-star line reading I know and love from her time as an AEW attraction.
it is time for a wrestling interview show skit
this is the one hosted by grayson waller and now also austin theory. they are expected to interview la knight but it is carmelo hayes. he is very cocky, and arrogant, this fellow.
holy shit, this STINKS. Eventually they bring up LA Knight, so here comes LA Knight. This guy doesn’t take guff from anyone! How is LA Knight gonna say “I'm gonna keep this short” to Carmelo Hayes without insulting his height? Terrible business these days. Knight talks a bit and then gets jumped 3-on-1, so THE STREET PROFITS HAVE SEEN ENOUGH! And B-Fab is also there for a moment! They clean house. Well if THAT doesn’t call for a six-man tag team match, what could!
Here is a Blair Davenport promo. She really takes me to task on being weak, lazy, and bad things happening to me because I allow it. Then she says I’m not successful because I suck. Damn. She really took me to task here.
Ah, yeah, Nick Aldis made the call during the break.
LA Knight & Street Profits vs Carmelo Hayes & A-Town Down Under
I mean, look, this could be a fun way to chew up time and give these lads something to do. Saudis love LA Knight. One thing I like about LA Knight is that he’s kinda athletically clumsy but sometimes he’ll really lay into a clothesline or something if he trips up a smidge. Heels trying to work clever and doing it well early, basically triple-teaming on Dawkins as it goes to break.
It's time we all said that Dawkins is better than Ford and it's not that close. Knight hits his finish on Waller, Carmelo gets in and gets tossed, Ford gets tagged, Knight spears Melo feebly over the commentary desk, Montez hits the big splash on Waller for the win. Fun “trios” match here in the WWE. ***
Yesterday at the King and Queen of the Ring “Kickoff,” Logan Paul displayed his brass knuckles and handed them over to Michael Cole so that everyone knows he beats Cody clean on Saturday.
Backstage, Cody Rhodes walks. He comes across Randy Orton, his old friend. They shake hands. Rhodes wishes Orton luck, Orton says thanks, they part. The idea, of course, is that these old pals might be meeting at SummerSlam for that belt. They didn’t say it out loud so that might have been lost on many WWE fans.
Backstage after break, Tama Tonga stands about and Paul Heyman is in the background, like, “ooh I’m not sure about this guy.” Sadly Tama makes no Gremlin noises.
Here comes Cody Rhodes and Logan Paul
They’ve done this promo for three weeks or whatever now, I cannot care again. Make Cody vs Logan some type gimmick match where they relive their incredible high school wrestling glory which would surely serve them well if they took up UFC.
Cody assumes Paul is carrying another set of brass knuckles and directs a referee to check Paul’s person for foreign objects. Paul wants Cody checked first, and Cody’s fine with that. And there it is, something in the cargo pocket of his trousers. Why it’s a second pair of brass knuckles! Surely he won’t have a third elsewhere. Paul is actually quite funny handling looking like a complete asshole. He panics, he makes excuses, he tries to turn it around, he gets angry like a little kid. Just like James Gandolfini as “Tony Soprano,” we’re talking that level of acting here. Then Cody goes off on Logan Paul for not treating pro wrestling with respect, even though he’s good at it, and that’s why he won’t win tomorrow.
Well, fudge! I cared again! It was a good promo! Money promo level, really, but sadly for a show that has been paid for in advance so functionally this makes no difference.
Backstage, Randy Orton talks about his career of overcoming the odds and plans to do the RKO to Tama Tonga.
Bayley walks! She says hi to Michin. I like when they do this stuff now. :) It makes it seem real casual, like it’s real stuff happening. :) Then Nia Jax tells Bayley to keep the belt clean for SummerSlam. Nia’s getting some awful lines in tonight.
Backstage after break, #DIY talk to the Street Profits. #DIY trying really hard. Always. Ciampa dumps some of Montez’s red cup water drink out. Ooh that’ll do it.
Bayley vs Chelsea Green
We’re setting up Piper Niven, very subtly, as A Bully. Chelsea has the early advantage and then it’s time for a break. Every match is the same, basically. Upon return, Green makes a mistake and loses the match, then Piper Niven is A Bully at Bayley. Kinda feel like the Bayley WrestleMania Moment was about on par with those for Zack Ryder and R-Truth for all it really matters. Anyway we’re gonna get Bayley vs Piper out of it which might be cool in a Ron Simmons vs Barbarian sort of way.
Backstage, we get our promised AJ Styles discussing his future with Nick Aldis segment. Styles wants one more chance against the Cody vs Paul winner. He NEEDS IT. PLEASE. Nick can’t commit to it because AJ is too big of a loser right now. There are SO many viable contenders lined up, after all, with so many great wins recently. AJ stresses that he “doesn’t have time” to wait. But that’s not Aldis’ problem.
After break, we are introduced to Andrade for about the 16th time. Folks, he is coming to Smackdown! Elsewhere, Legado del Fantasma discuss the pros and cons of Andrade.
Backstage, Solo and Paul Heyman speak. They couldn’t get Tanga Loa into the country because of his background. Heyman over-acting his ass off here while Solo continues being the phoniest pretender you’ve ever seen. Tama Tonga then yells at Heyman and Heyman over-acts some more. Outstanding stuff, sincerely. Bloodline 2.0 is kinda like if New Japan could admit that David Finlay (or Jay White before him) as the Bullet Club leader just doesn’t match up to the past and they worked with that instead of desperately fighting against reality.
King of the Ring: Tama Tonga vs Randy Orton
WWE is incredible. They managed to kill 10 solid minutes between Orton’s entrance starting and this match actually starting. “Haku didn’t raise sons, Haku raised mercenaries.” Fuck yeah. That’s the best line of Corey Graves’ career.
These two are wrestling a real slow one. There are not many moves in this one. Like a Coliseum exclusive. Big respect to the lads. The crowd’s with them either way and one of ‘em has to work Gunther tomorrow, take it easy. Tonga takes a couple drops on the commentary desks. Orton able to overpower Tama at moments but Tama is just relentless in his desire to attack, too. Orton sets for the RKO, Tama blocks and sends Randy into Solo on the apron, Tonga rolls it up for two. RKO! Randy wins. Gunther vs Randy is gonna SLAP. ***
Post-match, Gunther looks on from ringside, but Solo attacks Orton from behind. That doesn’t last long as Kevin Owens hits the ring. Solo escapes before he can be Stone Cold Stunned.
GRADE: B+
Thought this was another strong episode of Nick Aldis’ Smackdown, even the worst thing on the show (the interview show bit) led to something pretty good. I mean, Bayley vs Chelsea was nothing, really, but Chelsea’s always funny and it sets up Bayley vs Piper. The tournament matches were good, particularly the one with the great Nia Jax. Cody and Logan Paul had a terrific promo, AJ and Aldis had a good one, a pre-recorded Blair Davenport yelled at me to sort my fucking life out, Solo’s suit looked like shit again. Good stuff.
Three Stars of the Show
Randy Orton: Can’t go with anyone else. My man said, “I have to wrestle Gunther tomorrow and I’m gonna act like it.”
Angelo Dawkins: The standout of that six-man. Dawkins has gotten really, really good. He’s a workhorse tag wrestler, the guy who’s actually a lot more valuable than the flashier dude, sort of like how Izzy Stradlin was the real glue of Guns n’ Roses but Slash had a trademark hat.
Nia Jax: Who can slow her greatness? Maybe Lyra Valkyria. Maybe not. I’d straight up have Nia win the tournament and beat Bayley at SummerSlam. That’s how good Nia has been.
That Angelo Dawkins::Izzy Stradlin comparison is why I pay the big bucks for these reviews. Bravo, Tape.