Let’s do a two-fer catch-up on Smackdown and Collision!
Look how I can put these two warring companies in the same post. It makes you wonder, really.
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WWE Smackdown
July 19, 2024
Omaha, NE
Cody’s here, about to blow: Last week, the Bloodline beat up Cody and beat up his pal Randy Orton even worse.
HANG ON THIS IS IMPORTANT: W-W-W-WADE! WADE!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!!!!!!! SITTING DOWN IN THE CROWD!!!!! THAT’S TERENCE CRAWFORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! W-WADE! WADE!!! W-W-W-W-W-WADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway I don’t know who that is and I have no opinion on the hilariously clunky Terence Crawford PPV plug that Corey Graves reads. It’s also a PPV that will be head-to-head with the SummerSlam. W-W-W-WADE! WADE!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!? yeah man the motherfucker lives in Omaha what else is there to do.
Anyway back to Cody: Cody says Randy Orton picked him when he didn’t have to, but, like, he also “picked” Ted DiBiase Jr, the worst Anoa’i, and that lousy Snuka kid. Cody’s got words for Solo Sikoa, but he is interrupted by Austin Theory and Grayson Waller. They’re mad because Jacob Fatu hit Austin Theory last week. Thankfully they don’t get to talk long before Cody just starts kicking people. It’s 2-on-1, though. Rhodes is luckily tossed out to the floor where Local Celebrity Crawford gives Cody “his steel chair.” And then sits back down on a different chair. Why did Terence Crawford have an extra steel chair? Well, it doesn’t matter. The chair evens the odds and Cody clears the ring of the former tag champs.
Backstage: Carmelo Hayes has his hair attended to and has words for Andrade. This is a very NXT by way of TNA thing.
Backstage: Cody wants to face A-Town Down Under in a handicap match. Nick Aldis says no, Cody needs to find a partner. Cody sniffs hard, repeatedly.
Andrade vs Carmelo Hayes: Wade finds a nice way to put that these two guys basically have fuck all going for them but they’re trying to change that. Wade is also surprised that a “supposed luchador” might do things like a clothesline. This is a very “this is awesome” chants sort of match. Lots of moves and what have you. But there is also a good physicality to it which is where I stay fully engaged. I wasn’t in love with this but there’s obvious promise in these two having a best-of-seven series for the European title. Andrade wins it. ***¼
Nia Jax and Bayley split-screen summit: Just like Flair and Fritz back in my day (that was actually a bit before my day), we’ve got Nia and Bayley here to talk at each other in separate rooms with a split screen. Alright, man, I’m dead serious, every WWE lady’s hair recently looks extra good, something is happening here. These two meet at the SummerSlam and they both plan to win. This goes to shit quick when Bayley remembers being injured by Nia because Nia is “big, clumsy, and reckless.” This SUCKS. “You didn’t protect me right on our agreed-upon maneuver.” What the “H” is this Vince Russo mess? “Last time we agreed to do moves together but since you got one wrong this next time is gonna be REAL!” Nia storms out of the scene.
Earlier Today: Bianca and Jade and Chelsea and Piper all plan to meet Nick Aldis. They argue over who gets to meet him first! Bianca challenges Chelsea to a match tonight. Oh! It’s now.
Chelsea Green vs Bianca Belair: It’s Bianca, Wade. Not Bianca like Sanka. Belair wins via reversed rollup in 56 seconds. Nothing but filling air time. All four stand it off in the ring. Nothing happens.
Post-match: Alba Fyre and Isla Dawn talk on the screen. chucklechucklechuckle, cacklecackle, laughlaughlaughlaugh.
Logan Paul vs LA Knight contract signing: I like the part at the top of this promo where Logan Paul says that LA Knight is a “Sons of Anarchy extra lookin’” fellow, it’s funny because basically they have the exact same White Guy Look. “Let’s take us back just a year ago!” HEY! Let’s not! Get to the point of tonight. Knight does a good wrestler job, Paul does a good Logan Paul job. Eventually Logan signs the contract. Honestly pretty interested to see Logan wrestle someone with the meat-and-potatoes style of LA Knight.
Tiffany Stratton video: Let us take a look at her. She’s, um, rich or something? I’m still not really sure what her deal is but that’s possibly more that people don’t have such defined “deals” anymore. This chews up a few more minutes.
Backstage: LA Knight runs across Santos Escobar and Elektra Lopez. They set up a continued feud for post-the SummerSlam.
Michin vs Tiffany Stratton: Stratton has Nia with her. Big Tiff absolutely wrecks Michin’s shop with a wicked Alabama Slam on the damn floor. That sends us to commercial with momentum and we return to a side headlock, but then they’re told it’s time to start doing real shit again so Stratton gets back to work. Michin gets an opening but Nia does a very minor distraction that cuts off any momentum. Tiffany goes up for her moonsault, then just stops to point at Bayley at ringside and say, “HEY!” Why stop? She wasn’t near touching you or anything. Bayley cracks Nia with the briefcase then hits the commentary desk and the steps with the case. She does a big stomp to the case. She hates this case! Michin wins with a roll-up. In-deep dorks will moan about the MITB winner losing, but (1) WWE pretty much always does this and it never matters, and (2) the way she lost has no impact. In fact no win or loss has any impact. WWE will have you lose 40 matches in a row and then just put a belt on you. They love this! They think it works! And the thing is, it doesn’t not work because the vast majority of their audience barely cares about the results of the matches! Also I thought this was good, Tiffany looked great and Michin continues to roll. ***
The Bloodline sit in a room: I love these guys. Solo’s pretender act is going into overdrive. These other psychos are going to absolutely slaughter him after no more than two failures to win the title. Solo threatens the entire locker room if anyone decides to team with Cody tonight. “If you’re on Cody’s side, that means you’re against me.”
Look at all these beautiful Saturday Night’s Main Event ass logos, Titan is so back:
Backstage: Well, Cody’s found a partner. It’s Kevin Owens. We follow him through Gorilla, I was wondering if they were gonna do that tonight.
A-Town Down Under vs Cody Rhodes & Kevin Owens: This is a very “Saturday Night’s Main Event” kinda match, actually. The heel tag team are, at least in theory, the more cohesive unit, but the other side has, you know, actual stars. And not tag guys. Plus this heel tag team isn’t totally clicking lately by any means. They can’t even beat “#DIY.” That wrinkle adds something to this, too, if you care at all about what happens with Waller and Theory, which I barely do. Owens gets in and just stomps the piss out of Waller, then he runs around the ring doing clotheslines but he’s not a choo-choo train. This is a good match. I’m gonna be way in the minority on this and I get it, but I think this is the best match of the night. Owens in particular is terrific and Theory and Waller do exactly what they should and do it well. Cody gets the big babyface offense after a hot tag and pins Theory after CrossRhodes. ***½
Post-match: Solo and the Tongans head down to the ring with purpose. Cody dives onto them because Cody doesn’t give a fuck. Tanga Loa avoids that and goes in to fight Owens. Owens goes to the eyes. Commentary desk gets cleared off so that Solo can go through it, but Jacob Fatu arrives in time to whip some ass. OWENS AND FATU! OWENS AND FATU! OWENS AND FATU! God give me those boys at the SummerSlam. Just give me a first chapter of that, 7-to-10 minutes of a fistfight. Fatu is a madman thrashing Owens. The others hold Cody so he has to watch his friend get obliterated. And Owens absolutely gets obliterated. Cody gets put through commentary desk after Owens is left laying. Fatu is just an absolute psycho. OWENS GETS HIS NECK PILLMANIZED WITH A CHAIR INTO THE POST! They’re madmen!
GRADE: B
Thought this was a good show! Not monumental but tight and pretty much everything felt like it had a purpose. Good closing angle that builds from the prior week as we move toward the SummerSlam, all the in-ring was good, the clearest time-filling involved Chelsea Green which immediately makes it high-end time-filling.
Three Stars of the Show
Jacob Fatu: I’m sorry, it’s just that every time he appears the tone of the entire show changes drastically, he is an absolute star.
Kevin Owens: Great to see KO back, and he was great in that main event and in the post-match angle getting slaughtered by Fatu.
Tiffany Stratton: She lost her match and all that, but she had a really nice showing with Michin. They’ve had a few matches already and have a nice chemistry, Michin is the sort who really allows for Stratton to do what she’s already really good at, and what Stratton is best at I think is laying it in. She’s got a meanness to her style that isn’t terribly common of PC trainees.
AEW Collision
July 20, 2024
Arlington, TX
Goodbye, Elton John. We simply cannot keep paying for your song to lead this CM Punk-less show nobody watches.
Up front I am unsure of this “Esports Stadium” but sound-wise it seems promising as a regular venue and I start digging the low ceiling look as we go on. This is the kind of place you can turn into a real “House of ___” type place. It’s a good choice.
The Beast Mortos vs Darby Allin: Tony Schiavone would not love to have the Beast Mortos dating one of his daughters. He didn’t just say that, Nigel brought it up. Don’t worry, Tony has not done another gaffe by calling a terrible person (character) a no-no word. Oh, they actually talk about that, and Tony stands on business: “It’s just an opinion, dude.” Surely you wouldn’t believe it without my reassurance, but these two go out there and get at it. The top rope Gorilla press slam from Mortos is absolutely wild. Darby with a crucifix bomb from the second rope. These are just a couple of things. This match rocked ass. 10 minutes of great action and aura. ***¾
Post-match: Darby addresses the internet’s wrestling moms who give him bad Cagematch ratings because they’re afraid (they’re not afraid, they just want to seem like they’re having deep thoughts, they ultimately do not care either way) that his wrestling style is going to lead to him being in bad shape when he gets older. I will prevent myself from weighing in further on this because I have a lot of thoughts but I don’t want to overly insult anyone. He also addresses the Young Bucks. “You know what sucks about them?” Yes, I do, but please elaborate! Darby’s one of the guys who has some of that RVD energy where, no, he’s not technically a great promo, but he is real and people respond to him because you can recognize that. Very few people can pull that off, because it has to be real.
Backstage: The Acclaimed get yelled at by Billy Gunn to take Blood and Guts seriously. “It’s about being the best wrestler alive,” he says to Max Caster, and I continue to be upset that we’re allowing Max Caster to use that along with 52 other people. I mean, come on, man, Max Caster?
Skye Blue vs Hikaru Shida: OK, will Skye still be a cowlady or has she again gone through a bit of a transformation recently? Ah, no, she’s gone through a bit of a transformation recently. Skye attacks right off. Tony scolds Shida for being ill-prepared for the aggressive Skye. Skye gets dinged on the floor and needs medical attention — and the match is called off during picture-in-picture. Technically Shida wins by referee stoppage. Well that sucks. Looked like the leg and Kyle Fletcher social media seems to confirm that without additional details. Hope she heals up fast and gets back soon, I can’t wait to see the next outfit. (She’s wearing the cowlady hat in the Fletcher X post, driving me further insane.)
Backstage: Lance Archer is back and he’s kicking some asses. “Everyone has forgotten what I can do and it’s time to remind you all!” Yeah! Look out, lower midcard guys! You’re in for it now! I’m glad he’s back. I love Lance Archer: Occasional Monster.
Backstage: Chris Jericho talks about his upcoming Dynamite match with Minoru Suzuki.
Rey Fenix vs Tony Nese: The Premier Athletes once again have to introduce themselves before the match in the hope that anyone will care when they’re, like, “Donuts STINK you FATSOS!” but nobody ever really does and never will. “They are winners,” says Nigel. Tony agrees, and I agree with neither of them, so when Tony says very confidently that Nese has “39 AEW wins,” you gotta give me a second. Alright I actually count 33, and 17 of those are tag team matches on Dark or Dark: Elevation, and 13 of them are singles matches on Dark or Dark: Elevation. Tony Nese’s last singles match win in AEW came in July 2022 on Dark: Elevation against John Walters. His wins apart from those shows have been 32 seconds over Danhausen on a 2022 Dynamite, teaming with Woods against the Varsity Blonds on Rampage in 2022, and a dark match at a Collision taping earlier this year teaming with Daivari. AEW tracking wins and losses opens up the ability to point out a very boxing-like ability to engineer horseshit records, and Tony Nese has had a lot of matches in Colombia, let’s put it that way. Fenix hurts his own knee when a maneuver goes awry, but he guts through it and continues the match, which feels like it’s a handful of minutes longer than originally planned due to the injury cutting the previous match short. This is your standard competent but totally forgettable Tony Nese match. Fenix wins because this isn’t Carmen de Apicala. **¼
FTR are here: And Tony Schiavone is gonna talk to them in the ring! Tony’s gone with a sport coat and a Collision t-shirt. I like his hip hairdo. Cash believes the last two years have been FTR’s best two years. I’d agree. But he also says he’s gone through some stuff in the last year personally that has dragged his name through the mud, and being in the ring has been his escape. This is a pro-“you people” promo. Dax takes over to run down their achievements, but they live in the present and know it hasn’t been the best year for FTR. He’s also mad that the Young Bucks have ruined the tag team division as champions. Next week, FTR starts their road back to the belts, which they plan to end at Wembley.
Backstage: Hikaru Shida came here to fight and is still looking for one. She wants Dr. Britt, and that’ll happen on Dynamite. “I made you bleed once before when I broke your nose. I will do it again.” Hell yeah.
Tomohiro Ishii vs Roderick Strong: These two had a terrific ROH TV title match at Korakuen in early 2016 where Ishii took that belt from Strong, that’s their only one-on-one match before this one. They had a three-way with Bobby Fish a week after that Tokyo match in Vegas, too, and have met in some tag settings otherwise. Ishii is wild because he’s not who he used to be, but honestly that’s more just that his stature as a NJPW contender has naturally diminished as he’s aged. But has he really declined? A bit, sure, but not terribly, and if you give him the right setting he still will absolutely stomp ass and can put on matches that measure up to pretty much anyone out there. This isn’t going to get the time or presentation to be GREAT! but Roddy’s beyond capable of rocking with Ishii and this match stomps. It’s an Ishii match, a slugfest with a good pace. Taven and Bennett hit the apron, allowing Rod to nutshot Ishii and hit a high knee for the win. ***½
Post-match: Undisputed Kingdom mean to do more damage to Ishii, but Little Tom’s Conglomeration brothers Mark Briscoe and Kyle O’Reilly are here to put a stop to THAT bullshit. This is the greatest stable in wrestling today.
Hologram vs Gringo Loco: Oh, it’s Aramis in a new character. Neat! This is fine. Loco does what Loco does, going hard to make Hologram look good. Gets about four minutes, Hologram gets to impress and wins with the PORTAL BOMB. PORTAL BOMB.
Backstage: Kevin Von Erich is here with this boys and Dustin Rhodes. Kevin’s gonna tell ya. Kevin thinks Dustin could give his boys some good advice. Probably, yeah. He’s been involved in this about as long as Kevin hasn’t.
Backstage: Mark Briscoe notes that it is “hot as balls outside.” He plugs the ROH PPV on July 26, also Blood and Guts before that.
Deonna Purrazzo vs Thunder Rosa (Lumberjack Match): Abadon as a standard chattering lumberjack is very funny to me. HEY! It’s Marina Shafir! Is this a Ring of Honor on HonorClub showcase? The lumbergals are very involved, which at least gives them a purpose to be there. They all gather together so they can be superplexed upon by Deonna and Thunder. Man, I am a big Rosa fan but this feud has been junk and desperately needs to end, but if you end it they’ll both wind up with nothing to do. Their chemistry just isn’t really there, like, the matches are OK but you keep wanting them to be better every single time, and the beef never seems to gain any real momentum. Taya Valkyrie plays the difference by helping Deonna win. **½
Bang Bang Gang vs The Patriarchy (Vacant AEW World Trios Championship): Bang Bang Gang are pretty GD over. Juice Robinson brings that weirdo heat and the Gunns have organically achieved credibility over time by simply being a team that keeps being good at tag team wrestling. Young Nick Wayne does a good job in this match and there’s a cute bit with Juice and the dinosaur moron. Christian stays out of the way for the most part, at least for a while, picking spots to come in where there is little risk. Eventually Christian gets stuck in a 3-on-1 situation that goes a little messy. Killswitch chokeslams Juice off the top, Wayne dives onto the Gunns outside, and Christian hits a frog splash on Juice for only two. Juice gets his own very close near-fall. Mother Wayne hairsprays Juice in the eyeballs, Killswitch (the move by Christian) and we’ve got new champs. Good match! ***½
Post-match: The lights flicker because the Wyatt Sickss666 are coming. Or House of Black, probably. “Collision! Is DOOOONE!” says Tony as the sendoff. Very to the point, love it.
GRADE: B
Another good wrestling show over the weekend! Like Smackdown, nothing enormous, just a good, well-paced show. The in-ring was better here but there was no main event-level angle like Smackdown had at the end.
Three Stars of the Show
Bang Bang Gang: Due respect to Lil’ Nick and the winners of the match, it was the BBG that made that as fun as it was, and they should get plenty of TV time even with Jay White out, because these guys are all over and have just gotten there by, you know, being good at wrestling. And that goes beyond matches, they’ve all got personality and have found their spot in AEW.
Tomohiro Ishii: The human bowling ball has still got it and it was fun to watch him get a little time with Roddy Strong. Ishii had a lot of energy and he is also part of The Conglomeration, everyone’s favorite group.
Darby Allin and The Beast Mortos: Why split them? Those two lads went out and had a Classic Collision Opener. Those are two fellas who know how to Collide, and getting them out first to settle any concerns over the new theme song for the show was a smart idea. By the time they’d done their third sick ass thing, who could care about Mikey Rukus’ new song either way? (I think it’s fine, by the way. Honestly it was getting a little sad to see them trying to bring that “THIS SHOW IS A BIG DEAL!” hype with an Elton John song for shows that very often feel like afterthoughts.)
I feel like they could have gotten the Bay City Rollers for a reasonable price