Review: WWE Survivor Series 2024
Survivor Series is live from Vancouver! The one in Canada, not the one in Washington near Canada.
What a night we should have! Two Bloodlines, one of them has three out of five people who are actually related and the other has two out of five! There’s also another War Games match with women who hate each other and none of them are related at all but one of them is related to the Bloodlines by marriage! Gunther vs Damian Priest for the Monday belt! The Intercontinental title! The U.S. title!
Let’s get to it!
Arriving: The fan favorite women! The rulebreaker women! Louisiana Knight yeah! Shinsuke Nakamura yeaoh! Solo’s Bloodline! Paul Heyman! CM Punk! Jey Uso and Sami Zayn! Roman Reigns and his lapdog Jimmy Uso!
Cinematics! Why be good wrestling when you can be a bad movie? Why use the good version of “War Pigs” when you can use a really awful cover that sucks beyond belief?
Liv Morgan, Raquel Rodriguez, Tiffany Stratton, Candice LeRae & Nia Jax vs Rhea Ripley, Bayley, Iyo Sky, Naomi & Bianca Belair
War Games - For Her!
Bayley volunteers to start. Remember back when wrestlers were civilized and didn’t have to be locked inside a shark cage during War Games? Nia Jax is gonna go wire-to-wire with Bayley.
Bayley was smart enough to wear gear that had a removable belt with studs on it to use as a weapon, but not so smart to think ahead that someone like Nia could also use it if they took it from her. Nia obliterates Bayley with a Vader-like body attack, then a hip (ass) attack.
Naomi is in wearing a stupid birthday hat because it’s her stupid birthday. She brings in with a colorful stick and a toilet seat. Naomi does a Matrix slide counter to absolutely nothing. We get a “happy birthday” chant that Naomi acknowledges. In the middle of the incredible personal grudge match that is War Games. This is horrible. Thankfully Nia has a stick and is beating the shit out of people. Once again we owe Nia Jax everything. But more silliness from Naomi after.
Here comes Candice LeRae, who takes a while shopping under the ring. Nia swinging a chair at sub-Hogan levels. This is not good.
Is this, like, ironic War Games?
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Tape Machines Are Rolling to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.