Review: WWE Smackdown (11-29-2024)

One night before Survivor Series, Smackdown is taped last week from Salt Lake City!

• Last week, Paul Heyman delivered CM Punk to Roman Reigns’ Bloodline for War Games at Survivor Series.

• Tonight, Heyman hosts a sitdown with Reigns and Punk. Jey Uso vs Jacob Fatu for advantage in War Games. More stuff, surely!

• Women’s War Game stuff: Bianca! Naomi! Iyo Sky! Bayley, who has replaced Jade Cargill! Rhea “Rip” Ripley! They go to the ring together and Rhea admits they might not all be best friends, but their goal is the same, they want to brutalize the women on the other side. Naomi takes over the talking at an agreed-upon time. Very organic flow as always with these things. Now here are the mean women. Nia asks if Bianca “had a brain fart” re: Iyo and Bayley. Brings up issues with Bayley and Iyo. They keep going on until Rhea is like “YOU DON’T SAY THAT!” There’s almost a fight, but the heels decide there won’t be, so the faces chase them down to brawl up by the entrance.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs Andrade

“This is a very evil, a very sinister Shinsuke Nakamura,” Mike says. Yes, Mike. That is the idea. Thank you.

Canned shows are pretty bad these days and the crowd just does not care about this match. Plus it’s 2024 Nakamura, what’s he gonna do? Work hard? Love Big Shin but he is roster filler now in every way. And I’m glad he’s filling a roster and getting that money, too. Andrade hits his dumb moonsault that misses but doesn’t, a move I hate, at least in the way that I can “hate” anything like that anymore.

Nakamura misses the knee and eats Andrade’s back elbow. This feels like Andrade turning down his own speed pretty significantly. Shinsuke is clever enough to get by with this pace, but it’s very apparent what he’s doing if you’re unfortunately paying a close level of attention to him over the years.

Andrade hits the exposed steel in the corner real hard and he’s probably dunzo on that. Nakamura hits Kinshasa, that’s that. I enjoyed this, basically. What a payoff that Andrade vs Carmelo series had for both of them, huh? Great Story. Not just matches for the sake of good matches. A real huge purpose with long-lasting effects, as only WWE can do. **½

• Post-match: Louisiana Knight runs in like a moron and gets black misted immediately lmao. Top tier WWE comedy. There’s the truest strength of Shinsuke these days.

• Backstage: Solo Sikoa’s Bloodline hype up Jacob Fatu, and Nick Aldis is here. He says the match is “critically important,” and I’m guessing he bans everyone from ringside. Numbers Game. Yeah, that’s what we’re doing.

• Backstage: Tommaso Ciampa continues to have hits tantrums and Johnny Gargano stands there and listens to it all. “I’m sick of talking, Johnny!” Me too! I’m also sick of you talking, Tom! Ciampa gives Gargano a week to “figure (his) crap out,” or it’s “his way” going forward.

• Parking lot: Kevin Owens is here to talk. Not in a car this time. He’s going to explain why he’s right with footage and whatnot that goes back to early 2021. It’s compelling! They headline Saturday Night’s Main Event in December.

Carmelo Hayes vs Cody Rhodes

This has come about because these two had a Backstage Altercation last week regarding Cody’s life and choices. Obviously this is non-title. Melo comes out with a mic, and says Kevin is right about him. “You’re not the guy to stab a guy in his back, you’re the guy to stab someone right in the heart. Who needs enemies when you’ve got friends like Cody Rhodes?”

These two wrestled when Carmelo got drafted to Smackdown and it was, like, OK. Not great. This should be better, Melo has gotten into more of a groove and gained some valuable experience since. Disaster Kick drills Carmelo, who is struggling to get his footing going into the break.

Hayes has the advantage on return, but then it ends when Cody’s told the time is just fine to end it. Cody hits a second-rope suplex, which is not a superplex, and the great veteran Michael Cole, a commentator I love, knows not to call it a superplex, because it isn’t.

Cody with a figure-four, I think it should end there. It does not. Cody eventually does hit CrossRhodes, they don’t even bother trying to tease Melo winning this thing, really, it’s a statement win for Cody on TV ahead of SNME. It was better than their first match. ***½

• Cinematic Sitdown: Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman are at a table waiting, Roman checks his watch and chews imaginary food. He is impatient. Reigns is about to leave, and then Punk shows up. This is just like Hoffa and Tony Pro in Florida. Punk says he’s not here for Reigns, he’s here for Heyman. Roman doesn’t want to team with Punk because he doesn’t like him. Heyman pleads his case. “Solo has had us in checkmate since the Friday after WrestleMania. If we don’t accept his help, it’s over.” Heyman also addresses Punk, saying Punk will be next for Solo’s group if he doesn’t help Reigns and his team. “Divided, we all fall to Solo. United, at best, we survive.” Punk wants scalps and revenge for what Solo did to his friend, and if Roman wants to continue their animosity after, he’ll be there. “One time,” they agree. They will team. Punk says Roman will owe him nothing — but his friend, “our wise man,” will owe me a favor. Punk leaves. Reigns asks Heyman what the favor will be. Heyman says they should get through War Games first, then discuss that. Roman stares a hole through him. This was, uh — y’know. One of these. Punk did fine because he’s a great actor for a wrestler but you wonder his real feelings about this stuff. I mean the real ones, not his “everyone who works for WWE is a genius of the business, actually,” because that’s what he needs to say at this point in his life.

Michin vs Lash Legend vs Piper Niven

WWE Women’s United States Championship Tournament

Legend is replacing Cargill. If you gave everyone in the crowd $100 I don’t think they could manage to act like they care about Michin.¹

There’s literally one acceptable winner here, man. Piper hits a big splash on Michin early, Lash breaks the pin. Chelsea gets involved and B-Fab comes out to fight her to the back. Piper is very nervous about being left on her own against Lash Legend and Michin. Pipes, I think you might make it through this on your own! Lash does hit a nice big foot before the break.

After break, Piper is doing fine. Lash hits a chokeslam on her. Lash has made a lot of strides recently what with her regular TV ring time. Go figure! Who could guess this is more important than drills in the Performance Center! Not me!!

Lash with a power bomb on Michin² for two. Lash hits the Lash Extension on Piper, Michin breaks that up and — oh, Michin wins! Well! Good for her, though I think it’s a bad call and really uninteresting, but I do think she’s good and you can only be happy or her because she busts ass. Fun match! Well-designed, got the most out of Lash possible and the others did proper vet work. ***

• Tiffany Stratton is the worse merch salesperson I’ve ever heard. She cannot sound like she’s interested in this at all. It’s very funny and good and I’m glad it happened, is my point. She just doesn’t have that sort of speaking voice.

• Backstage: LA Knight is getting cleaned up from the poisonous black mist. Byron Saxton wants to ask his status for Survivor Series. He can barely see anything but he manages to kill a solid 30 seconds of talking saying nothing at all. What a fucking pro this guy is. There’s no era of wrestling where this guy wouldn’t nail his promo marks every time out.

• Backstage: Nick Aldis tells Sami and the two Uso brothers about the ringside ban. They’re the only ones here even though it’s the same building as last week when Roman and Punk were there.

Jacob Fatu vs Jey Uso

For advantage in the War Games tomorrow. Bianca won face advantage for the women’s match on Monday, so there’s no way this one doesn’t go to the heels. Actually really looking forward to this, have wanted to see them lock it up since Jey tried to make some peace with Solo and told Jacob he’d knock him out if he kept staring at him. I actually really like Jey Uso when he’s anything more than The Yeet Man: The Man Who Says “Yeet.” When he shows even a little fire, he has something real.

Fatu starts fast, as you’d expect. Jey is going to have to weather the storm here. Fatu continues to dominate, knocking Jey over the commentary desk³ to go to break.

Back from break, Jey is rallying at least a little, and using Fatu’s aggression against him. This is a good match, that I like, and I enjoy how they’re putting it together. Fatu proving he’s got plenty in a meatier singles match on this stage, Uso working really well as the underdog babyface taking a physical beating but hanging around. He’s craftier, more experienced, but physically he is up against it in a bad way.

Jey hits the big splash, but Jacob kicks at two, no interference, no help, he’s just a bad dude. Fatu hits a Samoan drop on the commentary desk, not busting it, all impact. Back in, Implant DDT from Fatu, and now he’s got him set — moonsault connects! Cover and it’s over. Jacob Fatu just beats Jey Uso, and it felt like something. Doesn’t hurt Jey, helps Jacob, sets up War Games nicely. This match ruled. ****

• Post-match: Jacob meets up with Solo and the boys at the entrance. They lift the fingers and we’re out! Survivor Series tomorrow!

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GRADE: B+

Good ‘sode. Compact feeling in a way, good wrestling with a great main event, very little nonsense apart from the Roman/Punk deal which, for that sort of thing, I liked more than normal because I like Punk more than the people who usually participate, and the way he can effortlessly do that stuff was kinda funny to watch opposite Reigns, whose gears are turning for every second of it as he over-thinks every twitch and chew and squint.

Three Stars of the Show

1. Jacob Fatu: Big Jake’s been in this spot quite a few times since he arrived, but this for a different reason. That dude is a beast and can seriously go, and Jey really made him look great, but it didn’t feel like they were purposely swinging for Great Match the way so many great matches do now. It was a great match because they worked it with strong ideas and strong execution, it worked well for their ~Story~, and both of them came out of it still looking good, providing concrete evidence that Fatu isn’t just some mindless enforcer or brawler. This dude is a problem.

2. Michin: I almost typed “Michigan” again. Every time! Anyway, sorry I didn’t think you could win that match, Michin. (I paused after “Michi” to get it right that time, but I can’t be doing that every time.) You did a good job like always.

3. Bayley: i mean

1. I like Michin, and I wouldn’t even say I care about Michin.

2. I personally hate this name, because I start typing “Michigan” every single time. Every time!

3. That shitheel Michael Cole still says “announce table.” He is neither an announcer nor at a table but don’t tell him that.