Live from Birmingham, Alabama!
Still no Pat McAfee, which is fantastic. Was busy this weekend also in Atlanta, yet again embarrassing himself when once presented a legitimate criticism or question.
Matches
Raquel Rodriguez & Roxanne Perez vs Kabuki Warriors: This is non-title. Think you really can see Raquel “working bigger” again, hope that sticks and kinda figure if it doesn’t, it will be someone else’s direction. Asuka lights Roxanne up. Kabuki Warriors get armbars on both opponents, but Raquel powers Kairi up from the mat and one-arms her down onto Asuka. Kairi hangs on, Raquel lifts and slams her again. Commentary acknowledges Raquel’s confidence, the way she’s carrying herself.
Cole keeps doing this Geraldo Rivera ass bit where he yells at people in or ringside for a match and tries to get answers from them. An odd new thing. Cole is also somewhat legitimately obsessed with stirring shit up, just cannot stop talking about Liv Morgan and what MUST be her resentments on the sidelines at home.
Good match! Kabuki Warriors have it won but Dominik (ringside on Finn Balor’s suggestion) distracts the referee. Raquel really does mostly dominate here when she’s involved, before Asuka runs her into the post to put her down outside, which gives KW the real shot. Asuka really just kicks Perez’s ass. “Dirty” “Dom” also gets a backfist from Asuka when he distracts again, but Perez rolls Asuka up off of that and Rodriguez sneaks a foot in for a bit of leverage. ***½
Lyra Valkyria vs Bayley: Two out of three falls with the winner getting yet another IC title match. You know, I get that Bayley has accepted that the big gold(s) are beyond her at this point, but why is Valkyria so obsessed with this secondary title? Move on, girl!
“Bayley has not won a match since before she left WWE with injury,” Michael Cole tells me, which is (1) a stupid way to word that sentence, and (2) not exactly a great reason I’m watching her in a No. 1 contender’s match.
But I am excited to watch this, as it should be very good, because they have great chemistry. One of my favorite rivalries of this year.
Bayley slaps and rolls up Lyra, pinning deep and possibly with some tights in hand, getting a very fast first fall. That’s good stuff.
It’s not exactly the same, but I think it was Cornette who mapped out years ago the booking of a two out of three falls match where you get the babyface(s) a quick 1-0 lead on something sudden, then the heel(s) just absolutely beat ass for an extended period and tie it up, and then you’ve got it 1-1 with the heel(s) having all the momentum and the babyface(s) desperate to get back in it. It’s even at that point, but also isn’t. I often used that with TNM7 booking.
HEY! Shock of shocks, this is fantastic wrestling. The second fall settles down with Lyra in control. She’s such a sound technician and also really physical. I don’t make this comparison lightly but she reminds me very much of Bret Hart in this way, obviously her offense is more modern because she is more modern, but her approach is the same. Tough, sound, easy to get sucked into her matches. Relative to the era, no frills, just good fucking wrestling every time out.
Bayley actually ticks these boxes pretty well, too.
Lyra ties it up by countering Bayley’s la magistral attempt, just holding her weight and hooking a leg deep. But Lyra is pretty spent, and Bayley isn’t. This is kind of the reverse Cornette booking. Bayley hits a punt on a fatigued Valkyria and has the control with the match tied up.
Valykria gets onto Bayley’s knee. Bayley battles back but is hobbled, it’s a war of attrition at this point. Clever, increasingly desperate wrestling from both of them. Bayley hits her flying elbow over Valkyria’s damaged back and when that doesn’t get the three count, she moves right into a crossface submission. Lyra counters out and hits Nightwing for the win, and she is going to The SummerSlam! Bayley is a loser again! ****¼
Becky Lynch comes down in the red and yellow, brother, to hold her belt up. Fired up for that one. It’s LYRA TIME!
Chelsea Green vs Nikki Bella: Alright, Evolution, then this show opens with a women’s promo segment, then the first three matches are all women? Are the men even allowed to wrestle in this company anymore? And should they be?
In the Evolution battle royal, Nikki eliminated Chelsea and Alba Fyre, and also worked with Stephanie Vaquer to eliminate Piper Niven, and prior to this match, Chelsea & Co. had a little backstage bit with Vaquer, soooooooo
Graves tries to make something of the idea that most of the women in today’s WWE have probably studied Nikki Bella over the years, and she might want to bust out something more than the greatest hits. He’s doing yeoman’s work to help cover for the fact that this match is pretty bad. Bella is obviously rusty and Green isn’t really up to covering for that. Bella hits a crappy Rack Attack for the win. *½
Post-match, Piper Niven and Alba Fyre give Bella the what’s for, comical visual with them holding the nearly-comatose Green up triumphantly, but then Stephanie Vaquer runs in, sprints through Fyre, nails Niven, Fyre feeds herself back into the ring, and Vaquer and Bella stand tall.
World Heavyweight Championship No. 1 Contender’s Gauntlet: Ah, the gauntlet, the thing WWE breaks out whenever they’re not quite sure how to fill about 45 minutes of TV. This one has some stakes, of course. Before the match, Gunther is out to talk some, and he’s interrupted by Bron Breakker and Paul Heyman. Gunther isn’t interested in Heyman’s spiel so he intends to leave, but Breakker steps in front of him and makes him listen to Heyman anyway. Heyman calls Breakker “the next big thing” and the “the big dog” and it’s Breakker’s “yard” and “he’s a Steiner,” OK well why’s that not his goddamn name then. Gunther just smiles through all of this and Breakker steps aside to let him walk out, which he does, indifferently.
Penta vs Bron Breakker: These two have been around the block plenty already, so they can just rev it up to about 6/10 and hit the cruise control very easily, which is about what they do. We always talk about guys like Omos having been unfortunate to not work in the territory era where you can just go do your thing for a little while and then move on to the next place before your flaws stand out much, and Penta is another version of that, I don’t care where you stick him, sooner than later he’s out there playing the hits and little more. Here, he jumps himself into a spear and loses. Watching these two do the same things they always do had my eyes glazing over. **
Bron Breakker vs LA Knight: We see Gunther watching up in a suite, that’s nice. Knight got the win over Seth Freakin due to the knee injury at SNME, so even being A Smackdown Guy, sure, he works as an entrant here. Whatever, man, nothing really means anything. Knight starts hot. Breakker taks over on him, but ol’ Louisiana is a tough loudmouth, so he hangs in there. Would be about an average Smackdown main event. Knight falls into “countering” a Frankensteiner with a power bomb in their best spot and does some damage to Breakker’s arm before eating a spear and losing. **½
Bron Breakker vs Jey Uso: Uso stalks in on a tired Breakker, who chugs a little water while Jey takes his time on the entrance, and then Uso does what anyone should do and turns the pace up on the guy — only to stop wrestling and have a second entrance so he can dance and “yeet” into a commercial break. Then back from break, and he does another entrance/dance/“yeet” session before actually trying to take advantage of his, you know, advantage. All this does is give Breakker time to recover, except in idiot WWE logic, not really! Because Breakker just lays around and stays every bit as tired, while Cole is made to look even dumber than he is by reasoning that we must “remember” that Jey Uso “feeds off of these WWE fans.” Let’s go ahead and talk about this like it’s real: Jey Uso is a moron tactician who deserves to lose. He’s gonna win and then Bronson Reed interferes, with Cole then telling me there are no disqualifications. Spear, Breakker wins. I remember there being DQs and such in gauntlet matches but this is storytelling, where a good thing for you to do is just change how the story works whenever you want. *
Bron Breakker vs CM Punk: Well, it’s the best of the four matches. There is some intrigue here, because Gunther vs Punk makes sense as a feature match at a two-night stadium show, as Punk is one of the company’s biggest stars, but also being a two-night stadium show, you can live with Gunther vs Breakker, which isn’t as marquee an attraction but would probably be a good match and could serve as a teaser for Breakker’s eventual main event days, or even just an audition to see how close he is to truly being there. Odds lean toward Punk more heavily when you consider that with Rollins out, CM has basically no other option for the show. Reed interferes again, Jey Uso returns to neutralize that, and Punk hits the GTS for the win. He’s headed to The SummerSlam to face Gunther. ***
Post-match, Breakker and Reed are giving Uso and Punk the business before Roman Reigns returns. Superman punch to Reed, nasty double-leg on Breakker. Reigns/Uso vs Breakker/Reed for The SummerSlam sounds nice to me, in the sense that I accept Roman Reigns will be wrestling instead of not, which is what I’d really prefer. Punk and Reigns are uneasy but share some respect, anyway, and common enemies.
Other Stuff
Naomi kicks us off, as she is the new women’s world champion, having cashed in at Evolution on Sunday. This woman has put in all the work in the world to be a heel and the crowd cheer and chant “you deserve it,” so she has to be the 30th WWE heel of late to go, “No! You People need to stop cheering for me, because I do not want that! I don’t like you, actually!”
She says she’s done with all that foolishness on Smackdown, and that she didn’t betray Bianca, she outgrew her. Calls the Raw locker room “raggedy heifers.”
That’s answered by Rhea Ripley. I really think it’s bad corny watching her folks do their full entrance routine just to interrupt a promo. Ripley says she’s not cautious, she’s reckless!! So suck on that, I guess, Naomi, idiot. Ripley had two goals going into Evolution, and still has them unmet because of of Naomi’s infernal meddling. Naomi just made the list!!!
Hey here’s Iyo Sky, who also does her little posing bit then happily slaps hands with fans, big smile on her face, as Corey Graves can only dare imagine what frustration and rage must be going through her mind right now. I like her denim outfit, she looks like she just got divorced and is headed to a White Lion show in ‘88. Iyo says Rhea — with respect! — has to get in line. Naomi can’t understand Iyo’s accent, which draws a laugh from the crowd. Rhea starts stumbling on lines as they all start talking.
Here’s Adam Pearce! Adam Pearce confirms that Naomi “deserves it.” Then he puts over the quality of the Iyo vs Rhea match and how it was “magic.” Pearce reasons that since The SummerSlam needs a bigger box office than ever this year, it’ll be a triple threat. “Ladies, you’re gonna make magic!” Man, that excites me, a member of The WWE Universe! I’ve got goosebumps just imagining those gate receipts!
Naomi and Rhea and Iyo did fine on the mic, and the Pearce part of this was just mind boggling, a baffling way to go about setting this match up, and for Naomi to just be super cool with the idea is also odd, though that part I can work with. The rest makes it seem like WWE is gradually, fully turning the focus of what makes them “good” in the eyes of their fans to “we are the most popular and well-known Brand of this, and it makes a lot of money so that’s the most important thing for you to know and think about.”
Big Jack asks Paul Heyman if he has an update on Seth Freakin Rollins — Jack says it like that, all somber — and Paul says it’s too soon. Heyman reminds us all, thankfully, that Rollins has next June 2026 to cash in Money in the Bank. Heyman hypes up Breakker for the gauntlet later and says he’ll be the next champion at The SummerSlam.
With Seth gone, Bronson Reed continues to observe the established mercenary dress code, while Bron has opted for fuck that and popped the top.
LA Knight does a crowd stand-up with Byron Saxton. You know, I think Byron’s a sharp dresser. He’s just adventurous enough for you to question some of his suits, but when you really take them in, they pretty much always work. Knight wishes Rollins a speedy recovery so he can come back and Knight can hurt him as promised. “I didn’t get a chance to hurt you, because you hurt your damn self.”
…you could turn Knight to the Heyman crew, too. I promise I said this when this promo was happening, since the match discussion and whatever happened is up yonder.
Recently at Golf, football player George Kittle did a very bad superkick to The Miz. See? A mildly famous person likes WWE! Isn’t that great! Doesn’t that make you feel better about yourself? Also, definitely try this at home! Just kick all your friends in the face!
Karrion Kross pre-tape is decent. Repeated ideas and information, but Sami Zayn is hurt so whatever. “We want Kross! We want Kross!” [Kross wrestles] “No, not like that.”
This New Day thing is of poor quality. They have Grayson Waller present Adam Pearce with some toupees as a way of trying to secure a rematch for the tag belts. They won’t get it, but they will get an Opportunity.
Judgment Day are leaving. Pearce notices that Dominik Mysterio seems to be feeling better based on his behavior earlier. Dominik: “I mean, it was the adrenaline, in — in my soul.” He has his doctor’s note again and Pearce has finally actually called WWE Medical, and he’ll be reevaluated next week. If he’s cleared, he’ll face AJ Styles for the IC title at The SummerSlam. AJ Styles and Mysterio do some comedy where AJ prays to his vengeful God.
Byron Saxton has American Made in the crowd. They’re asked about El Grande Americano and Ivy Nile says it’s “clearly Ludwig Kaiser,” and Wide Creed agrees everybody knows that. They’re not here to talk about EGA, though, they’re here to talk about themselves. Tall Creed talks. Ivy Nile is the leader, though, and she has her sights set on Stephanie Vaquer. She kinda tanks this promo, frankly.
Big Jack asks Rusev where he hopes to go from here. He’s interrupted by Sheamus before answering the question at all. Sheamus has secured a rematch via Adam Pearce. Rusev is uninterested but that probably doesn’t matter.
Three Stars of the Show
Lyra Valkyria and Bayley: There were a lot of maddening things on this show, but also a fair amount of good stuff, and these two were the best of the good stuff. Another terrific match between them, another terrific showing for both. Becky vs Lyra will be one of my most-anticipated matches at The SummerSlam, maybe the most for me.
Big Jack Redmond: I really liked her “just got back from the beach” look. There are beaches in Alabama. There was a Beach Blast in Alabama! And she was all over the place.
Bron Breakker: I thought he did really well out there in a largely unforgiving spot that didn’t at all focus on what is special about him.
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Bayley and Lyra was honestly, like, one of the best matches Bayley's ever had I think. In the Top 5 or so. Just outstanding.
Both of really had excellent years, Lyra obviously with the big PPV matches but Pam has been turning out strong TV matches every other week basically
Lyra and Bayley was really excellent. Their chemistry is so good. Lyra has really risen to the top of my favorites list pretty fast.
Big Rome either needs to actually stay around for months or fuck off to Hollyweird to make his C level direct to streaming movies. He's a big pop merchant.
Kinda feels like they are finally moving LA Knight yeah up the card a little bit. Good for him.