Review: WWE Raw (10-28-2024)
Raw is live from Hershey, PA, which also hosted NXT’s Halloween Havoc last night!
Arriving: Stupid Saudi belt. Joe Tessitore just sounds so natural, so at home, sucking ass over something nobody cares about because some corporate master or other told him to really get after it. Judgment Day are also here, Dominik faces “a former (world) champion to be revealed,” which I am personally betting will be Jack Swagger. Seth Rollins. HEY! Nobody is doing the long walk through Gorilla to start this show. Someone told HHH he was getting repetitive. It was probably me. He probably read my Great Reviews.
Video: Stuff about Jey Uso last week. “It went from nothing but yeet to family drama that had us on the edge of our seats,” Tessitore says in that wonderfully phony way that is so distinctly “Joe Tessitore in the 2020s.”
Jey Uso is here: He’s up in the concession area starting his dorky walk through the crowd. Tessitore has to tone it down, man. Did he legitimately just eat a lot of chocolate? Is he too hyper in Hershey? Anyway, noting happens on this show for a full nine minutes. Then Jey says nothing for a minute. And here is Jimmy Uso. Oh, BROTHER, this SUCKS. Jey tells Jimmy that if they’re going to reunite, it has to be as these distinct personalities they are now. If I were Jimmy I would turn that down, given how me being a distinct personality has gone. Jimmy invites Jey to Smackdown to meet with “OTC.” Jimmy’s such a second banana. The Tongans run in but the Usos see them coming well enough. Solo and Fatu are ringside, Solo sends Fatu in. Numbers Game. Solo passes a chair in for Fatu to bust Jey’s ass. The crowd is really not that into this. Jey hurls the chair at Jacob, lands the shot, the Usos superkick away on everyone and send them packing. This did nothing for me, but hey, we’ve eaten 17 minutes + the next commercial break of air time on low-effort, late-stage USA Network Raw. YEET!!!!!!
Hey, remember WrestleMania this year?: If not here’s a video about it. And did you know you can buy tickets to NEXT year’s WrestleMania now? Well, you can! They’re going so fast, FOLKS! FOLKS!!!!!!
Backstage: Adam Pearce is on the phone (important) yelling at Nick Aldis about Solo Sikoa’s Bloodline showing up. Now here’s the Judgment Day. Dominik will be facing Damian Priest, huge stunner. I really thought it’d be Jack Swagger or Mark Henry. Finn warns Dominik to be careful. Dominik is mad that nobody believes in him. Liv says she does. He’ll go alone. Finn does not. Carlito is doing whatever.
Sheamus vs Ludwig Kaiser
These two are 1-1 in singles matches on Raw in recent memory, Kaiser beat Sheamus in June and Sheamus got one back in August. The one in June was even at this same venue.
They go to the floor pretty quick, Sheamus tries a power bomb out there, Kaiser counters with a guillotine, and Sheamus runs them into the steps to break it, but might’ve conked his own skull. To the break! They got there a bit early and had to just kinda hang out.
Back from break, it’s your standard 2024 Sheamus match. It’s not really interesting or meaningful, but it is physical, hard-worked, tough wrestling. You can rely on Sheamus. One of the most truly reliable big league wrestlers ever, in fact. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. Not what I would have done, but maybe they are moving Sheamus toward Breakker and another run at the elusive IC title. And Kaiser will be fine and has time. ***
Video: Rhea Ripley talks about Raquel. It’s another fine one of these.
Backstage: Sami Zayn runs into the Usos. Jimmy checks out and Jey stays to get accosted by Sami about what a piece of shit Roman Reigns is. Finally, someone talking sense. “This isn’t a lesser of two evils, you don’t have to choose one or the other. You could just not get involved. This is not your fight anymore.” Jey tells Sami that he’s “not family,” which frankly is true, but it’s hurtful. So Jey’s a dick again immediately for exactly the reasons Sami is laying out for him.
Ivy Nile vs Zelina Vega
Nice to see these gals get some ring time. A couple moves, one that’s cool, commercial break. Yeehaw. Back from break and Vega does not hit a moonsault but pins on it anyway. Vega trying for Code Red, but Wide Creed distracts the referee and Tall Creed breaks up the action. The Creeds then lay waste to the LWO lads and Ivy beats Zelina. The crowd is blowing the roof off the Hershey arena.
Backstage: Jey tells Jimmy about his conversation with Sami, including that he told Sami he isn’t family. “Well, he’s not.” Fair enough. And now Jey is mad at Jimmy about that. Jey has some severe personality problems, honestly. Jimmy asks to go talk to Sami, and insists it’s just going to be talk.
Seth Freakin’ is here: After the break, it’s time for this dopey Iowa Bears fan and whatever his shtick is these days. Seth says actually HE’S a monster, too! It’s a side of him he put to bed a long time ago! Seth is now Wrestler No. 1327 who admits he loves That Dark Place in himself. Bronson Reed thankfully interrupts on the screen. Reed says he’s in the parking lot, Rollins takes off his blue leather vest to get down to his blue leather jacket and then takes that off, too. He’s headed out! Like an idiot, Seth unties his bun to go fight. Absolute moron. All you did was give your opponent a chance to control you by your hair. Anyway, Rollins flying stomps Reed into the hood of a car and he walks off to cut the rest of his promo for the camera. Meanwhile, Reed wakes up and comes back to fight more. He gets kicked in the face, crate off his head, Seth wants another stomp but gets a trash can thrown at him. In the back of a big truck now and Reed DVDs him out of there through a bunch of tables and junk that are behind the truck.
R-Truth is now friends with Alpha Academy: R-Truth is now friends with Alpha Academy. Perfect. A bunch of losers. Miz arrives to apologize to Truth, and Truth buys that — oh, no he doesn’t. He punches Miz in the kisser and says, “Good luck with the Wyatts! Y’all gonna DIE!” and I crack up for real in real life. R-Truth doesn’t even realize Butch and Pete Dunne are the same guy so Pete can’t even really get mad.
New Day vs War Raiders vs Dragon Lee & Rey Mysterio
World Tag Team Championship No. 1 Contenders Match
I don’t know if any one of these teams is truly over at this point. Just a thought as I watch it. Like, New Day and Rey are “over,” but that’s more just being so established. It’s more respectful clapping than anyone really caring what any of them are doing right now. The War Raiders aren’t over. Dragon Lee isn’t.
You can feel that as Kofi gets on a hot tag run of offense and the best you could call the reaction is “polite and respectful of his history.” We get a strong reminder of how good of a tag team Woods and Kofi can be before the second commercial break.
The match is OK. Everyone out here is a Good Veteran Wrestler, to varying degrees. Just realized that if wrestlers both lie motionless on the mat for more than about five seconds, some fans just instinctively start chanting “this is awesome.”
Xavier makes a reasonable choice that gets framed as him giving up a chance to win. He wouldn’t have won even if they move hit! He saw someone coming into the ring! Chad Gable attacks Rey Mysterio, War Raiders double on Kofi and get the win. So once again Kofi is the big loser. ***
Ringside: We learn that Seth Rollins is at a Local Medical Center. Not facility! Center. That’s new.
Backstage: Miz is whining to Adam Pearce. KrossCo are here and want to know what Miz’s plan is. It’s to run. Kross demands that Miz find Bo Dallas and ask what his problem is, or he’ll break his legs. A believable threat. Get your gladiator hat back and can it, big dog.
Neat: Jalen Brunson knows what WWE is.
Outside: Jimmy Uso is walking out, but he senses something. Jey comes out to join, and it’s Sami off talking to Solo Sikoa in the parking lot. Oh no! I’m sure that’s not a misunderstanding at all.
Dominik Mysterio vs Damian Priest
The move here is a very cheap Dominik win, for the record. That gets him thrashed by Gunther, which won’t hurt Dominik, while you can then say that Priest is starting his road back to the world title basically from the bottom, having lost to Dominik.
Priest dominant early. Basically stays that way until Dominik shoves Priest into the ring post LED board and then hits a tope suicida to go to commercial. We return to Dominik’s three amigos attempt, which is cut off early.
This isn’t so good. Priest needs more help than Dominik is capable of, and vice versa. I do laugh pretty hard when Tessitore screams, “HEY! What’s goin’ on here!” when McDonagh and Carlito interfere. Very Kevin Kelly. Just what we needed. But their success is short-lived. McDonagh gets hit on the back with a folding chair twice. Carlito gets jabbed in the gut and one over the back twice. Raquel saves Carlito. Dominik rolls up Priest — THEY DID IT! They got it right!
Post-match: Priest assaults Mysterio for a while. He stopped and came back once, and he’s gonna do it again. He hadn’t even dropped his straps, and now he has. This isn’t getting much reaction, really. Carlito now gets South of Heaven: The Chokeslam. Another one for Dominik. Liv and Raquel caterwaul at ringside, making more noise than the entire crowd.
GRADE: C-
Another pretty limp Raw but it’s kinda fascinating watching them distill three hours to two in the laziest way possible, and also the “mid” they’re serving up USA with this show in this in-between period.
Three Stars of the Show
R-Truth: About one out of every 10 R-Truth jokes is actually funny. Tonight he got one in.
Sheamus: Had a Sheamus match as Sheamus continues to be Sheamus.
Sami Zayn: WWE’s wisest sage doles out good advice and is rewarded with the scorn of goofy Jey Uso.