Review: WWE Monday Night Raw (5-20-2024)
Raw is LIVE from Greensboro! We’ve got the semifinals (regional finals, basically) of King AND Queen of the Ring!
Raw and Dynamite reviews are FREE this week! But if you want to also read my great takes on NXT, Impact, Smackdown, and Collision, plus King and Queen of the Ring AND Double or Nothing before NEXT week’s Raw, then you gotta pay the piper. (I’m the piper!!)
Earlier today, IYO Sky arrived in a car and Michael Cole, an idiot, thought she was Jey Uso. Then Lyra Valkyria arrived, earlier today. And earlier today, Gunther arrived. And then about three hours after IYO got there, Jey Uso got there, NOT in a car.
Sami Zayn is here to talk
He will face “Big” Bronson Reed and Chad Gable at King and Queen of the Ring. Zayn talks about how he’s going to kick Gable’s ass and then Pat McAfee makes an ape noise in response. He’s not in the ring or anything, he just didn’t want you to not know he was there. You might have forgotten. This guy Sami hates Chad Gable! He calls Gable “one of the most manipulative, crafty Superstars of all-time,” and boy if so, you’d really think he might have won anything in eight years. Bronson is “the body” because he is strong and Sami is “the soul” and he likes being “the soul.”
Gable’s out to be mean to the Alpha Academy again and set up the SummerSlam match with Pat McAfee. Chaddo really runs these folks down and Sami finally asks how much longer they’re going to put up with this. Gable promises he’ll pin Zayn at the “PLE” even though he doesn’t have to do that specifically to win the match and belt. “SOUL!” This is now giving me awful diarrhea flashbacks to Cedric Alexander and Mustafa Ali.
Zayn wants to wrestle Gable RIGHT NOW, here, in Greensboro! Oh…!
Sami Zayn vs Chad Gable
Well then. A few moments of action and then to commercial when Zayn knocks Gable out of the ring. Alpha Academy try to help him up and he gets mad at that, too, then McAfee talks trash as the last thing heard before the break. Match-wise there’s very little here, it’s just to add a little interest to Saturday’s match. Maxxine and Tozawa get ejected by Gable when they can’t pull the trigger on orders to help him cheat. Later, he tells Otis to help him cheat. “Clearly lookin’ at Otis, tellin’ him to do stuff.” Thank you, Pat. Otis also can’t do it. Gable yells at Otis. Gable slaps Otis. Gable tries to use the belt in the ring and the referee, an idiot, is, like, “Oh, weird!” It fails. Otis DOES hit Zayn with a clothesline, Gable hits the Chaos Theory and wins the match. Barely a match, just a lot of story stuff, but moves this all along fine enough.
We thought when The Regime Changed, to a New Era, and we saw some production fixes that maybe less pointlessly stupid things would happen. but here these two goobers are standing up by their desk for no reason whatsoever as they Transition Segments.
Backstage, Bron “Badass” Breakker walks and will make his Raw debut after the break!
After the break, Jackie is with Alpha Academy, and then there’s a disturbance in the background and Zelina Vega is like YER MOM’S HURT SHE’S BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT GET IN THE TRUCK, and everyone runs and it’s an LWO having been attacked, which is deemed “some sort of altercation” and “a developing story here on Monday Night Raw.”
Bron Breakker vs Kale Dixon
McAfee says Dixon is a former Bachelorette contestant. After the bell rings, we get a tight shot of Breakker in the corner shouting, to no one, “FIRST! I’M NOT IN THE KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT!” and then he just spears Dixon. Then he chucks him out of the ring and does, like, a MEGA SPEAR. Michael Cole says Breakker runs 23 mph. McAfee is in love with Breakker. The referee stops the match when he decides Dixon can’t continue. Bron kills him with another spear. LMAO. Hell yeah. Whole crowd barkin’. This shit rocks. Then he’s throwing stairs and chairs at this guy. This ruled. Also give the lad Kale Dixon credit, this dude sold his ass off and took those spears like a lunatic. Put the belt on Bron! Not gonna star rate this but I give it an A++
After break, Journalist Jackie Redmond is chasing an update on Kale Dixon. Now Adam Pearce is mad at Bron for kicking ass and being too strong and cool. ?????? Reason 29 Nick Aldis is beating his ass.
Backstage, Irish Becky Irishly inspires Irish Lyra.
Queen of the Ring: IYO Sky vs Lyra Valkyria
Really pumped for this, want to see Lyra maybe get a really good match against someone people like watching or even care much about. So far Lyra’s matchmaking has made it so that her most notable thing is “knows Becky Lynch” so this should help. And I like Lyra a lot! Was glad she got the call-up! And I don’t really have a great idea of who I’d have matched her with instead so far, they’re working within the limitations of their past mistakes re: women’s roster depth, not in terms of talent but in terms of the crowd, like, caring about them.
Of course the crowd also does not yet care about Lyra and I’m not sure IYO grounding this and working holds is the way to get them fired up. In fact, since I am watching and everyone is sitting on their hands, I can say definitively it is not! Oh, boy. I think maybe the people just do not care about Lyra because they are barely responding to her coolest stuff on a run of offense. I might suggest "Becky Lynch's new lil' friend" might be doing more harm than good, in fact. People generally don't like thinking someone is "chosen" by association.
Mechanically and all that, this is a pretty good match. They just are not getting the crowd into it for more than a couple seconds at a time. Lyra gets the upset win with a counter, so she’s going to the Queen of the Ring finals. Becky Lynch is Hogan’ing Hacksaw Valkyria into the US title smh. ***
Backstage, R-Truth is teaching New Catch Brigade or whatever they’re called about the hokey-pokey. It’s very funny, that he’s dumb. Truth promises Andre the Giant is going to help them but Miz says Andre is dead ha ha haaaa. haaaa.
Backstage, Ilja Dragunov is very happy to have lost to Jey Uso. Now here’s Ricochet. “Don’t get it twisted, homeboy.” Ricochet now wants to face Ilja again. hahahahahahahaha Bron Breakker runs in and spears Ricochet through a bunch of boxes and shit lmaoooo this guy is the best wrestler in the world
After break, we get a thing where Gunther walks around in the stands of the empty arena earlier to discuss Jey Uso and their KotR regional final later.
Backstage, the Judgment Day are in their “clubhouse.” Carlito and Dominik Mysterio are playing darts at a distance of about eight inches from the board. Priest lets Carlito know he has to “earn his keep” to keep hanging out in their “clubhouse.” Balor wishes he was teaming with Priest. Carlito asks Priest if he caught the Knicks game.
Miz has never sounded less confident on a mic than he is during this entrance trying to remember his timing to help R-Truth “rap.”
Backstage, Sonya Deville is back and wants to talk to Shayna Baszler and Zoey Stark. Baszler is not interested.
Awesome Truth vs Finn Balor & JD McDonagh
For Awesome Truth’s Raw tag belts. Michael Cole confirms: the NXT Cruiserweight championship was not a major championship in WWE. Miz gets forced to throw right hands at one point because McDonagh is holding his left wrist and it’s not ideal for him. But he went for it. Not sure I ever saw Arn Anderson throw a right hand, for instance.
McAfee points out that Awesome Truth are at a disadvantage because R-Truth is 52 years old. “An age advantage” for Judgment Day, he figures. But that’s mostly down to McDonagh (34) vs Truth because the other two are the same age, basically. Dominik and his one arm are a capable enough distraction. Carlito! UH OH HERE COMES BRONG STRONGMAN! Carlito into the barricade! Strowman chasing Judgment Day McDonagh! He runs right into R-Truth’s Attitude Adjustment and the seniors tour champs retain. Brong is Andre the Giant, see, R-Truth’s mystery friend. This was fun! Not much of a star ratings match, but fun.
Backstage, Lyra Valkyria still knows Becky Lynch. Then she comes upon Liv Morgan who gives her the “what’s over there?” and punches Lyra in the face. I love this new Liv Morgan. She’s so funny.
After break, Sami Zayn is confronted by “Big” Bronson Reed. He likes business. Heh heh heh. Ha ha. Zayn then turns around into Otis. Zayn thought Otis was better than he showed earlier. Otis then apologizes to Sami. “Damn it, Otis!” Sami tries to talk Otis out of listening to Gable. Instead, he should listen to The Fans. Well! Let’s not go nuts here, Sam.
Here’s Becky Lynch
blah blah blah blah. Here’s Liv Morgan eventually. “The way that you are gaslighting the WWE Universe right now is literally insane.” Then Liv makes a lot of good points. Lynch plugs her book, which does not get much response and tickles me greatly. Lynch yammers on about her usual talking points about how great and what a trailblazer she is. Morgan makes more great points in response. Once again, Becky Lynch is cooked on the mic by Liv Morgan. This took forever.
Backstage, we are once again with the Judgment Day in their doofus clubhouse. Priest tells McDonagh to get a match with Braun Strowman for next week. Priest doesn’t even recognize the group anymore. Then he leaves. Balor is frustrated, but thinks Damian is right. Priest is proving a useless leader in Ripley’s absence, which he’s basically admitting while trying to blame everyone else for it.
After break, a hillbilly doctor tells Xavier Woods that he’s clear to compete again. Kofi leaves the room to tell Pearce they’re back. Then Karrion Kross and Scarlett are here. Kross is vaguely threatening and looks like a Sons of Anarchy extra.
Kayden Carter & Katana Chance vs Maxxine Dupri & Ivy Nile vs Zoey Stark & Shayna Baszler vs Dakota Kai & Kairi Sane
Carter and Chance continue to be the least convincing "we're fun!" act I've ever seen in wrestling, it's remarkable how phony everything about it comes off, I love it. This is for a shot at the lady tag titles.
My God Maxxine continues to just have no fucking clue what she’s doing and I love her. She’s trying so fucking hard and you know she’s doing her absolute best. And she’s got a lot of spirit. When something doesn’t go quite right she just gets on with it. Baszler and Stark win. Everyone worked hard and stuff. It’s a standard four-way tag, just a bunch of stuff happening and Dakota Kai getting her nose busted.
Backstage, Kayla announces she’s standing by with Ludwig Kaiser. This HHH direction to have the interviewers try to sound like news/sportscasters is not my favorite thing but it’s also harmless. I’ve said this before, but I never would have put a bet on Axel Dieter Jr being a WWE mainstay with real success in the company, finding a solid role. Not lack of talent, just wouldn’t have thought he’d quite get the chance to shine, but he has and he’s delivered. When Kaiser leaves, Drew McIntyre arrives to announce he has nothing to say, then says a bunch of stuff for a while.
After a break, Chad Gable’s talking to the Creeds, then Otis arrives and he speaks with Gable about apologizing to Sami. Gable manipulates his “student” some more.
King of the Ring: Gunther vs Jey Uso
Well it’s either Gunther vs Orton if Orton wants to do Gunther chops and stuff, or it’s Jey vs Tama Tonga. I guess they might do Jey vs Orton, but they will not do Gunther vs Tama.
The commentary-explained strategy for Uso is to keep the pace up, as he (and anyone) struggles when Gunther manages to slow things down. And they actually work it that way! It’s not just an idle thought. Gunther dominating so the match is about as good as Jey Uso matches can be. An injured right hand excuses Jey’s punches from here on in the match. Smooth thinking from the WWE’s master “producers” once more.
OH GOD Jey’s throwing left hands! The key thing we learn is of his fortitude, finding ways to fight back with one arm. But one arm means Gunther gets the advantage back, because it’s hard not to and there were too many minutes left in the TV window for Jey to find the big momentum yet.
Think this is really good. Gunther’s style neutralizes a lot of Jey’s worse instincts as it becomes a pretty standard Gunther match, and Jey is too competent to screw that up, and Jey is good in the underdog role, which is why “Main Event Jey” doesn’t work for me, that sort of idea isn’t what he’s best at as a solo guy. Referee gets bumped on an Uso spear and he hits his big splash, but the referee takes a moment too long to get back.
Gunther with a fancy sleephold, Uso’s arm drops and GUNTHER GOES TO THE FINAL ON SATURDAY! Hahahaha once again Main Event Jey takes a dump in the real clutch. Really good match. ***½
GRADE: B
Solid episode of Monday Night Raw. Nothing stunk outside of Lynch’s laborious, terrible promo about what a great trailblazing legend she is and how everyone knows it and agrees with her (crowd: yaaay we know it and agree with you) and there was a healthy mix of Good Matches and Cool Stuff going on this week.
Three Stars of the Show
Bron Breakker: Not only did he slaughter poor Kale Dixon but that nerd Ricochet got the what’s for, too! And he’s making Adam Pearce look dumb for being mad that his roster has this athletic freak beast on hand.
Kale Dixon: We must put some respect on his name. That fella took a country ass kicking and made Breakker look absolutely vicious.
Jey Uso: Obviously Gunther was “the better guy” in the match because he is Gunther, but I share my casual dislike of Main Event Jey plenty, and I really thought he had a good night here in his best role, not doing a whole lot, getting beaten up, and then losing to someone who is actually a main eventer.