Review: AEW Full Gear 2024

Full Gear is LIVE from Newark!

It’s a big show! A big night!

Let’s get going with Zero Hour!

• Anna Jay vs Deonna Purrazzo: Actually I missed this one because I was on a telephone call, like an important person in the fake front office of WWE. If I were placing a bet on how it was based on recent experiences involving the participants, I’d hedge bets on “kinda good” and “forgettable.”

• Buddy Matthews vs Beast Mortos vs Komander vs Dante Martin: “Beast Mortos digging in the heels, or the hooves, if you will—” hey hey hey hey. Hey. I won’t. Magic Menard says Buddy may be the best athlete in all of AEW, and Excalibur replies, “You’re so hard on yourself, Matt,” which Menard doesn’t pick up on immediately. It’s a four-way TV scramble, you’ve seen these things 935 times by now I’m sure. We all have. Komander with a killer rope-walk dive. I think Budnick and Mortos should be in this year’s Continental Classic, personally. Honestly keep forgetting Dante Martin is in this match but then he’ll fly back in and it’s, like, oh yeah, there he goes. This goes on a while, because there is a while to go on, and it’s just a ton of wild, high-flying, high-impact action. It’s a match designed to really get people fired up to spend that $50 on an impulse. Buddy “steals it” in the end, but really it’s just the sort of chaos finish that happens in these matches. Very good in its style and execution, everyone was on their game. ***¾

• Big Boom AJ vs QT Marshall: What do you want me to do here? Point out how absurdly bad this dude is at wrestling? Whatever. He sucks at this. He always did. What happens if the enormous toddler defies his programming and stops touching his face every time someone looks at him? Alright, well, AJ Boom just did a proper top-rope superplex. By my own laws I am required to express great respect for him. Nothing else matters. Big Justice spears QT to a wild pop. Big Justice's spear is better than Bobby Lashley's or Edge's. Real workers. Can't lie. AJ wins. The extremely bored Rizzler finally gets to go to bed. QT Marshall is a real pro, AJ did the best he can do, the crowd had a good time, they achieved what they really set out to achieve.

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